A man beside a street.., What are ye thinking about..,? "The live is never doing good to me; nobody cares, no one love me, everything rejects mine, etc..,,, and i decided for die soon" he said. Like thunder in the noon, i'm shocking for what his said..,,, for the same as happen on me..,,, i'm silent, and look to the ground..,,, and then i look to the sky for an answer..,,, but the sky silent still..,,,
WHY i always be a looser..? Why this live never been fair unto me..??? Why.., why.., and why... but there's still no answer! Art Thou sleeping My Lord??? Why Thou never answer my prayer then? Am i so dirtyfull to You, Am i deserve not unto You??
I was asked, asked, and asked.., but Thou keep silent... What shall i do then??
i just close my facebook account for my feeling doesn't work out about it. Probably am a selfish person, but this is me... Now my heart is sick, my feeling is ill... and i have nobody to share it, nobody want listen me, nobody care's about me... Why everybody ignored me, why everybody rejected my self, what my foult?? ahhh...,,, i wish never been born....
Even God angry with me... He's so obssesed unto my self...
But i will prove to all of you, That you're wrong.................................., am (absolutely) wrong................ we'll see..........................!!!
Now my live is so terrible than ever, i know not why it's all hapened unto myself. I have nobody to share about, even i have no hope any in this live... hope? it's for along time gone from mine..., after junior high.., after i'd been dumped by the one that i love so god damned much.....!! Since that time, i became pesimisstic person about love first and then about whole live either...
I knew that you've been press, inside of me.., am sorry for that. I know when you're cry.., i feelin every single feelin of yours... but i can do nothing to stop it continually... Cause i have no power to do that.., and The Power that i lie down do nothing to me. i know not, maybe He's angry or what.., one thing for sure He's let me pick all of it at my shoulder alone... Deserve i to get angry with His..?
One day in the early morning, am still wake up, i can't close my eyes yet..., i know not why ... probably cause i took a long of a nap... but, this became my habbit... today am so lost of my feeling.., just like another day of my live... i never cares about my live.., i never cares about mine.., but i do cares about my feeling... sometimes my feeling take a big part of my live.., besides of ratio of course... These all begin when am at junior high, at that time am so in love with a girl.., ... She is my first love, and till now i can not forget hers... i still remember her face, her eyes, her body... but she's rejected me so cruelly.., she's dump me...! i know, am not a good looking guy at all, but am still a human being that have a feeling inside, right??? my heart totally broken when i know that she's hate me.., am ran away to a place that i called "A Fantasy island", a place where there's no painfull, or rejected.., A place which there's only a peacefullness..... Am for along time stay there..,
It's been for along time i feel so, so Lonely.., but always i keep it for my self. Cause nobody cares about my feeling, about me and myself... don't asking about my family, They never cares about me..! I had a thought that the only "Person" cares to me only "DRUGS"... That's why am so dificult when am tryin to realease it... Yea, I AM A JUNKIE..., A RECOVERY ONE... i believe the word that said, "Once you're a junkie, you're always be a junkie". So, there's no ex-junkie... So, if there's a people say that he's an ex-junkie, it's nothing but a bullshit...!!